How I overcame my false beliefs
We are what we believe. Discover the power of belief.
Belief is what guides us, they are our roots. What we believe shapes how we receive the world around us and how we perceive the opportunities in front of us. Too often, we begin to let false beliefs about ourselves and our circumstances determine our thoughts and then our actions. False beliefs include things like our weight gain, our financial situation, our job, our ability, our spouse, our family, the country we live in…on and on the story goes. These things usually tend to be the ones that darken our perspective on life and consume us with the negative. Well, before we know it, our lives become a medley of false beliefs compounded by actions and people that support these beliefs.
The Negativity Vortex
I call this phenomenon the “negativity vortex” that keeps attracting negative energy towards us. Just put some negativity out there and surely it will find its way back. Well I’ve been there and yes, there are times I find myself still there and I have to snap myself out of it. For many years, mostly in my 20s, I have been my biggest negativity creator. “I will never be smart enough, I will never run my own business, I will never live in a foreign country with a foreign language, I’ll never have the perfect body, I’ll never read as fast as my peers” on and on the list of negatives seemed endless. My little typhoon of negativity cultivated a range of radical experiences for me, all of which I perceived as serving my present state of mind because they reinforced my false beliefs (regardless of how destructive). My false beliefs were ruling my thoughts, words and deeds. I’ve always considered myself a woman of my word…the problem was, my words stemmed from a very unhealthy place based on my roots of false belief. Negativity is very, very addictive and if we aren’t careful it can rule our lives.
I was anxious, hasty, a workaholic, studyholic, exercise-oholic and extremely judgmental about myself. To balance my life, I would binge on what I call my “pleasure pangs”, otherwise known as excessive drinking, partying and random acts of rebellion. Those who partied with me in my 20s know it was a time of tears, broken ribs, fractured feet and several car crashes. I have always been two extremes never in between…and this is not balance. These false beliefs lingered well after my pleasure pangs were over and I picked up where I left off by working longer, studying harder and pushing myself to…well…out do myself. I was in a marathon and the only one running was me. A complete nut job and if you’ve had the opportunity to work with me…well thank you for putting up with my explosive outbursts when the quality wasn’t to my liking. When you’re competing with yourself, somehow you expect everyone else to just fit with the monomaniac standards you’ve conjured up.
In 2012 a good friend of mine introduced me to Inner Bonding – a process of embracing self acceptance. We had both been on a trip to China together and in discussing our plans to return there she recommended a process of “letting go”. It was used by her former boss, a woman who had the guts to leave the stability of corporate life to travel to Azerbaijan to work and live. Inner Bonding was my first encounter with myself. It forces you to acknowledge your inner child…the neglected child that you’ve conditioned to believe is no longer worthy. My inner child was afraid, shy, broken and I am amazed that she’d put up with so much over the years that she was still in there. Confronting my inner child meant I had to confront all the things in my past that I had blamed on other people when in fact my circumstances where the way they were – imperfect – and I just needed to accept that I cannot change what has already happened.
Acceptance is never easy and it almost always teaches you new things about yourself. It is painstaking when what you’re accepting is not to your liking or that you had a major part to play: either by not speaking up or through your own selfishness.
Acceptance doesn’t mean that you condone the situation or issue, but you recognize it for what it is, learn what you can from it and keep your chin up, dust your rags off and march on forward better than before.
This is what I now call my “experience mindset” and it is also how I discovered courage. I am actually very courageous, I’m sure my friends and family will say that I have always been…but I have never felt that way until very recently. A couple pleasure pangs later, remember I did say negativity is addictive, I was introduced to yoga and meditation by a gorgeous woman who encouraged me to try it. This coupled with the higher consciousness material I was reading, listening to and actively practicing slowly changed my life. Acceptance switched my gears to being more receptive to new things.
My Inner Child
Confronting my inner child, shadow self, skeletons in my closets…whatever you want to call them…I call them false beliefs – was the first time I began seeing my little train wreck of a painting (my life) from the outside and decided to clean things up. Meditation and yoga allowed me to visualize myself from the outside and, rather than run a mock as I usually would, I simply started doing things differently. I brainwashed myself with things that centered on principals like unity and compassion – things that I lacked. My mantras consisted (and still do) of oneness…it focuses on the fact that we are all one, sharing the same resources, same atmosphere, same earth but through different manifestations of ourselves and our beliefs. Being positive and not cynical did make a difference in the outlook of my life. My marathon began slowing down and I no longer felt the need to run…no one else was anyway. Courtesy and compassion began to replace my anxiety and they felt more natural to me than having a stick up my you-know-what. I began to enjoy me and I still do.
I worry less about what others think because now I think only objectively of others and I see value in others even if there are mistakes.
I am compassionate and I have discovered that I am genuinely a feeling person. I still slay business and will tear apart a presentation but I actually enjoy it now…because I’m not competing with myself or anyone else…I see myself as creating beautiful moments and am genuinely interested in having those moments be entertaining for me and all involved. I’m no hippie, I can still whip out a stern comment and vicious glance when needed but those things aren’t the clothes I choose to put on everyday.
Slay the BS
As a lady and a boss, I recognize now that I am a role model and women with power should not be seen as “the dragon beast” (which is what I’m sure I was headed for a few years ago). Be assertive and own it. Don’t apologize for your hard work and standards, but don’t go ape-shit if others aren’t quite there yet. It is our responsibility to grow the ones under us (and age has nothing to do with it). Leave the egos at the door and just keep it real. Your inner child deserves it.
People will respect you if you are consistent and bullshit free. So slay the negative BS when you see it coming…
Meditation keeps my mind strong and my focus sharp…it is also what keeps my false beliefs to a minimum. I am assertive and I am okay if you are not. Just know that I expect you to pull your weight as I do, imperfections and all. If you can’t and think the world owes you an apology you can find someone to share your pain with in the sorry lane. My lane is an all inclusive and welcoming lane but we’re mostly lady bosses, that is, we are imperfect, courageous women that find beauty and fulfillment in supporting and growing other women (and men…our brothers need support too) and leading in our own lives. Ladies you lead with your children, you’ve led when you took out the first car loan, moved into the first cramped apartment and paid for your school tuition on your own. Be proud of that…I am…and keep leading with a smile and compassionate spirit. “Compassionate” doesn’t mean weak – when you leave your ego behind it is easy to be genuine and assertive and sniff out BS a mile away.
Amplify Your Beliefs
If you’re in the ringer right now and things are doubtful know that this is your failure or situation that’s giving you courage…use it to push through and slay that BS from whenst it came.
Finding courage has been the most empowering thing in my life and no one gave that to me. I had to find it through my failures and embarrassing situations.
Ladies, when you’ve been knocked down I want you to be thankful…because this is when you get up and say “thank you” for the wake up call.
Amplify the beliefs that empower you and shift the beliefs that no longer serve you.
- Are you good enough? Yes, you are.
- Are you beautiful? Yes, you are.
- Are you a valuable human being? Yes, you are.
- Is it too late for you to make a change? No, it is never too late to be the leader of your own life.
Don’t give away your power to someone else less worthy. Let your belief roots grow deeper. Attune your beliefs to your deepest worthy aspirations.
Remember, in order to use the power of belief to your greatest benefit, you must first become self aware. Practice 5 minutes of mindful breathing a day focusing on your inhalations and exhalations and don’t worry if your mind races. If it does, just come back to your breath you’re doing better than most. Repeat your worthy aspiration as your mantra and give these 5 minutes your most positive intention. Put good energy out there and it will find its way back to you and keep only your positive beliefs in your back pocket at all times. After all, we eventually become what we believe and this belief roots us. You got this!
Inspired by Deepak Chopra’s “We become what we believe” guided meditation.